Working Mom Tryout

Before my twins were born, I was an elementary school teacher. Tiny and Buba were born in the spring of 2008, during my 8th year of teaching, and I have been home with them ever since. This was not the original plan; however, neither was having twins. Once my husband (T) and I discovered just how much daycare for two infants was going to cost us, it made the most sense for me to take a two-year child rearing leave of absence. With this being my second year of leave, it will soon be time for a final decision: Go back to teaching or resign.

I love being home with my kids. Some days are better than others, but overall, I just love that I get to be with them through almost every part of their day (the only exception being the time I spend tutoring in the afternoon when T is home with them). I get to observe them at play and see how today they can do things that they couldn’t do yesterday.

But on the other hand, some days (usually the no-so-good ones) I long for a little more adult interaction. You know, lunch with another grown up that includes conversations about things than child rearing. The kinds of conversations you have in a workplace lunchroom. We do occasionally get together with other moms and their kids, but trying to have an adult conversation while also supervising toddlers at play is no easy task.

So, as I said, I’ve been doing the stay-at-home-mom thing for 20 months. But this weekend, I had a chance to see how the other half lives. I had the opportunity to shadow a Lesley University professor (basically student teaching at the collegiate level), which required me to be “working” 8am to 4pm on Saturday and Sunday. Given that these are essentially the same hours that I’d be teaching if I return to work, it seemed like the perfect situation to give me a sense of what things might be like.

The morning was hectic and rushed. Trying to get Tiny and Buba up and ready for the day while also trying to get myself ready, was tricky (and this was without having to get them all packed up for daycare). Sure, T could have been more helpful, but if I go back to work, we’ll both be scrambling in the mornings anyway. Once I was out of the house, I enjoyed a peaceful ride to work. Although, I did have to eat my breakfast in the car, as there had been no time to do that at home, I managed to arrive without spilling anything on my clothes. And the day went pretty smoothly. I really enjoyed being in an academic setting again, working with pre-service teachers, and presenting lessons. I didn’t think much about what T and the kids were doing without me. In fact, I didn’t feel the least bit sad about what I might be missing until I walked through the door that evening. Tiny ran to me with a big smile and through her arms around my legs with a big, “Mommy! Mommy home!” It was then that I felt just a little sad that I had missed an entire day in my kids’ lives. And Sunday was much the same. Luckily, I knew it was just those two days, and on Monday, every thing would be just as it was.

So, where does that leave me? Still not sure. And this is why: I do really love being home with Buba and Tiny, and in my heart, I know I’d rather be home with them. If I go back to work, almost my entire salary will go towards daycare and our income will stay the same. Plus, we’ll have the added stress of trying to get us all ready and out the door in the mornings. I’d get to spend my day teaching young minds and talking with colleagues, but I’d miss all the things that my kids are doing. And my main reason for going back to work would be just to have a job. In this economy, it seems silly that anyone would consider giving up a job. And what if no one wants to hire me back in three years? I worked hard to earn my current teaching status and the respect of parents in the community. Do I really want to have to start all over? And how will I keep up my certification? How will I manage to stay current with the “hot topics” in education?

T says it’s okay (and I think he’d prefer it) if I want to resign. He thinks my dual certifications in elementary education and reading will make me very marketable, so getting rehired should not be a concern. But still…

I have until mid-February to make my decision. Please, weigh in.