and on Wednesday, it  finally happened! Unfortunately, it was during Tiny and Buba’s nap time, so they missed it. I saw it happening, but just couldn’t get my camera working fast enough.

At first, it just hung out at the top of the container.

Then it eventually moved on to the stick we had placed in the cage when it was just a caterpillar.

That’s where it hung out for the next day and a half while we waited for its wings to dry out. Then, this morning, we decided it was time to release it.

As soon as we took it outside, it began to open and close its wings, while still sitting in the container, as if it was practicing its next move. Buba and Tiny were fascinated.

When I removed the lid, the butterfly continued to stay put for a minute or so. I explained to Buba and Tiny that this butterfly had never flown before, so it might take it a little while to get going.

We were all so excited and amazed when it finally took off. It flew only a few feet and then landed in our grass. But as we approached it again to take one more look, it flew off into the clear, blue sky. Tiny and Buba cheered and waved. And we wished it luck as it went off to make its way in the world. Not a bad way to start our day.

***********************************************************

I made a conscious decision to participate in the Me Challenge this week. I hired a fabulous sitter (a retired elementary school teacher who was just amazing with the kids), and spent Thursday morning shopping by myself. I had hoped to do a bit of shopping by myself, but I spent most of the time at Target just picking up the everyday things we needed. My trip to Kohl’s was a complete bust, unfortunately. But it was still so nice to shop, and get errands done without having to manage the kids, their snacks, their behavior, and all that comes with running errands with 3 year olds. However, the next time I hire a sitter, I plan to do something more indulgent.

After placing the caterpillar in that strawberry container, we put it up on the kitchen counter. A couple of hours later, I found the caterpillar crawling on the kitchen floor. I tried to tape up all the holes, but the caterpillar was actually able to find weak spots and push right through. Clearly a different container was needed (see below).

Buba and Tiny frequently ask to be lifted up to see the caterpillar. Those first few days, it mostly just hung out in the little container where its food was. Then yesterday afternoon, it climbed to the top of the new container.

And then last night, it hung itself in the J position.

By early afternoon, we could see the beginnings of its chrysalis.

It’s really fun for me to see how excited Tiny and Buba are to watch this process. We talk about what’s happening and they are so excited to see the butterfly. Hopefully they can be patient over the next week or so as we wait for the magic to unfold.

But this summer was also crazy busy for me. I took on more students and more hours than I ever have for private tutoring, and my schedule was all over the place as I tried to fit kids in around their camps, playdates, and scheduled activities. Some days I’d be teaching at 7:30am, while other days, I didn’t have a session until 11am. One day I’d have three or four students in a row, the next I’d have two in the morning and one in the afternoon, and the next I’d have just one student all day. It was a lot to keep track of and a lot to prepare for. So, I was really glad that this past Friday was my last day of summer tutoring.

However, I’m going right from summer tutoring into fall tutoring with no break at all. Tomorrow my fall schedule begins, but at least I’ll be back to just one hour a day. I’m so grateful for all the families who hired me and kept us afloat all summer while T (and his paycheck!) were on vacation. But I’m also so glad to be going back to more predictable days.

We ended our summer vacation with a weekend full of family fun. Yesterday we hit a couple of yard sales (and picked up a Madeline tea set for $2!) before heading over to our twin club’s summer event at a sprinkler park in our town. The kids had a great time running through the sprinklers and fountains before snagging a spot at the picnic tables and wolfing down hot dogs, veggie chips, grapes, and brownies at the potluck lunch. (Seriously, I’m not sure there was any chewing going on. That food just disappeared!) This morning we ran errands. I got an 80 minute swedish massage while the kids were napping (a reward for all my hard work this summer ), and then we spent the afternoon at the pool with Grammy and Grandpa. Both Tiny and Buba were clearly very comfortable in the kiddie pool, as well as the shallow end of the big pool, which has convinced me that we must get them Y memberships and keep the swimming going as much as we can.

I know tomorrow will begin a period of adjustment for everyone. This year, I expect the kids to have a harder time with T going back to work than in years past. But I’m sure it won’t be long before we’re all back into the school year groove of things. And I’m really looking forward to it.

The thing is, T (who is our major bread winner since I took a leave of absence in 2008 and then resigned just this past winter) doesn’t get paid through the summer months. We go ten weeks every summer (well, every summer since 2008) without any steady income. When we had two incomes, it was no big deal. We’d put more than enough money aside and coast comfortably through the summer months without a care in the world. But a family of 4 living on a public school teacher’s salary is hard enough, and there’s rarely anything left over to be put away once our mortgage and bills are taken care of. Still, we’re pretty frugal and always manage to make it through.

But a big part of our summer survival is my tutoring side gig. During the school year, I only tutor about 5 hours a week. But in the summer I have to take on as many requests as I get, because it’s crucial to our survival. Fortunately (and unfortunately), I’ve had more than enough requests for tutoring sessions this summer. It’s great to not have to worry about income, but I’m nonstop busy all day long. And when I’m not tutoring, I’m planning lessons. Every kid’s lesson is individually tailored to his/her needs, so it takes a fair amount of planning- including time logged in at the Staples copy center and time spent reading my student’s summer reading books- to make it all go smoothly.

And, of course, I’ve not given up much of my mommy role. I’m too invested, and don’t want my kids to miss out on playdates or storytimes if I can help it. Plus I’m still making it to the gym 3-5 times per week, which means, at the end of the day, there really hasn’t been much time to relax even if I’d wanted to.

Still, I’m enjoying the summer, now having gotten used to the craziness of it, and Tiny and Buba are really enjoying the extra time with their daddy. T and I have our anniversary coming up next month, and family coming to town in July and August. There will be fun at the fair, picnics in the park, and time at the pool in the not too distant future. So I’ll definitely schedule in some down time… for September.

********************************

Update on Tiny: Thanks for all the well wishes. We went to see the pediatrician on Tuesday, and he said her cut was healing just fine. We have to change her band aid 2-3 times per day, which she is not fond of, and the hardest part is trying to keep it clean while still allowing her to have some outdoor fun. Hopefully by early next week, it will have scabbed and we can remove the band aids from the equation. She’ll definitely have a scar, but it should fade over time.

I’m sure you can imagine where this is going…

Fast forward almost 10 years to approximately 11:35 this morning when I walked to our mailbox with my letter of resignation. After lots and lots and lots of consideration, I reached the conclusion that resigning from my teaching job is what is best for our family. And even better than that, is knowing that being at home with Tiny and Buba is honestly and truly where I want to be right now.

I know it’s not forever. I will get back into teaching within the next three to five years. And yes, it will take some work to keep up my certification and to go through the job hunting/interviewing process again. But I love my role as a stay at home mom, and I’m just not ready to give it up yet. I will continue to do some private tutoring and know that that will help to keep my head in the world of education so I won’t feel as if I’ve been completely out of the loop when I decide to reenter the field.

Just a few days ago, the thought of writing my resignation letter, made my stomach turn and brought tears to my eyes. Thanks so much to the readers who left supportive comments, as well as friends who helped me tease out my irrelevant issues through emails and phone conversations. It was a hard decision to make, but I know it is the right one.

But now it is time to make the big decision. By February 15th, I must tell the superintendent whether I will return to teaching in the fall of 2010 or weather I will resign.

Not much has changed since I last wrote on this topic. I still really want to be home with my kids, but every time I think about resigning I feel so, so sad. I know I can go back to teaching once Tiny and Buba are older, but I worry about how difficult it might be to find a teaching job in the coming years. I worked hard to build my status and reputation in my current district, and I know that most likely, when I decide to go back to work, I will have to take a pay cut to reenter the field.

My mother worked, and I went to daycare. I am not opposed to daycare. I had a great time in daycare and know that Tiny and Buba would too. But with my teaching salary barely being able to cover the costs of childcare, it just doesn’t seem worth it.

I told all of this to our union president, hoping she could help me with my decision. She listened and agreed with everything I had to say- all the pros and all the cons to returning- and then said, “It sounds like you still haven’t made up your mind for sure. Take a few more days to think, but remember to let HR know by February 15th.”

So, I now have 13 days. 13 days to write my letter of resignation. Because I know that resigning is ultimately what I really want to do and what will be best for our family. What I don’t know is why it is so hard for me to do this. I’ve been at home for almost two years, my day to day life will not change. But still it is hard for me to let go of the job that I loved in a school system where I was happy.

It wasn’t until I saw Goddess’s post this morning that I realized that I could still create a Year in Pictures display using photos of Tiny and Buba from 2009. So here you have it, Our Year in Pictures 2009:

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Happy 2010!

I love being home with my kids. Some days are better than others, but overall, I just love that I get to be with them through almost every part of their day (the only exception being the time I spend tutoring in the afternoon when T is home with them). I get to observe them at play and see how today they can do things that they couldn’t do yesterday.

But on the other hand, some days (usually the no-so-good ones) I long for a little more adult interaction. You know, lunch with another grown up that includes conversations about things than child rearing. The kinds of conversations you have in a workplace lunchroom. We do occasionally get together with other moms and their kids, but trying to have an adult conversation while also supervising toddlers at play is no easy task.

So, as I said, I’ve been doing the stay-at-home-mom thing for 20 months. But this weekend, I had a chance to see how the other half lives. I had the opportunity to shadow a Lesley University professor (basically student teaching at the collegiate level), which required me to be “working” 8am to 4pm on Saturday and Sunday. Given that these are essentially the same hours that I’d be teaching if I return to work, it seemed like the perfect situation to give me a sense of what things might be like.

The morning was hectic and rushed. Trying to get Tiny and Buba up and ready for the day while also trying to get myself ready, was tricky (and this was without having to get them all packed up for daycare). Sure, T could have been more helpful, but if I go back to work, we’ll both be scrambling in the mornings anyway. Once I was out of the house, I enjoyed a peaceful ride to work. Although, I did have to eat my breakfast in the car, as there had been no time to do that at home, I managed to arrive without spilling anything on my clothes. And the day went pretty smoothly. I really enjoyed being in an academic setting again, working with pre-service teachers, and presenting lessons. I didn’t think much about what T and the kids were doing without me. In fact, I didn’t feel the least bit sad about what I might be missing until I walked through the door that evening. Tiny ran to me with a big smile and through her arms around my legs with a big, “Mommy! Mommy home!” It was then that I felt just a little sad that I had missed an entire day in my kids’ lives. And Sunday was much the same. Luckily, I knew it was just those two days, and on Monday, every thing would be just as it was.

So, where does that leave me? Still not sure. And this is why: I do really love being home with Buba and Tiny, and in my heart, I know I’d rather be home with them. If I go back to work, almost my entire salary will go towards daycare and our income will stay the same. Plus, we’ll have the added stress of trying to get us all ready and out the door in the mornings. I’d get to spend my day teaching young minds and talking with colleagues, but I’d miss all the things that my kids are doing. And my main reason for going back to work would be just to have a job. In this economy, it seems silly that anyone would consider giving up a job. And what if no one wants to hire me back in three years? I worked hard to earn my current teaching status and the respect of parents in the community. Do I really want to have to start all over? And how will I keep up my certification? How will I manage to stay current with the “hot topics” in education?

T says it’s okay (and I think he’d prefer it) if I want to resign. He thinks my dual certifications in elementary education and reading will make me very marketable, so getting rehired should not be a concern. But still…

I have until mid-February to make my decision. Please, weigh in.

And so I finally realized, late last month, that it was time to follow my mentor’s superb advice once again. So here I go, jumping into the blogosphere with stories about my kids, my relationship with my husband, my work, and the things in life that make me stop and think hmmmm.