Short on Time
I’m not really sure why I thought I’d have any time at all to relax this summer and attempt to make a dent in the booklist I put together for summer reading. T’s last day of teaching was June 22nd, and having two parents home should make life easier, right? In theory, I suppose.
The thing is, T (who is our major bread winner since I took a leave of absence in 2008 and then resigned just this past winter) doesn’t get paid through the summer months. We go ten weeks every summer (well, every summer since 2008) without any steady income. When we had two incomes, it was no big deal. We’d put more than enough money aside and coast comfortably through the summer months without a care in the world. But a family of 4 living on a public school teacher’s salary is hard enough, and there’s rarely anything left over to be put away once our mortgage and bills are taken care of. Still, we’re pretty frugal and always manage to make it through.
But a big part of our summer survival is my tutoring side gig. During the school year, I only tutor about 5 hours a week. But in the summer I have to take on as many requests as I get, because it’s crucial to our survival. Fortunately (and unfortunately), I’ve had more than enough requests for tutoring sessions this summer. It’s great to not have to worry about income, but I’m nonstop busy all day long. And when I’m not tutoring, I’m planning lessons. Every kid’s lesson is individually tailored to his/her needs, so it takes a fair amount of planning- including time logged in at the Staples copy center and time spent reading my student’s summer reading books- to make it all go smoothly.
And, of course, I’ve not given up much of my mommy role. I’m too invested, and don’t want my kids to miss out on playdates or storytimes if I can help it. Plus I’m still making it to the gym 3-5 times per week, which means, at the end of the day, there really hasn’t been much time to relax even if I’d wanted to.
Still, I’m enjoying the summer, now having gotten used to the craziness of it, and Tiny and Buba are really enjoying the extra time with their daddy. T and I have our anniversary coming up next month, and family coming to town in July and August. There will be fun at the fair, picnics in the park, and time at the pool in the not too distant future. So I’ll definitely schedule in some down time… for September.
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Update on Tiny: Thanks for all the well wishes. We went to see the pediatrician on Tuesday, and he said her cut was healing just fine. We have to change her band aid 2-3 times per day, which she is not fond of, and the hardest part is trying to keep it clean while still allowing her to have some outdoor fun. Hopefully by early next week, it will have scabbed and we can remove the band aids from the equation. She’ll definitely have a scar, but it should fade over time.
Isn’t it Ironic
My college boyfriend was the second of four children. His mother had been a stay at home mom until the youngest one was in school, and my boyfriend occasionally made comments about what a great job I would do staying home with our future children. However, I did not see it that way at all. Yes, I loved kids, but my goal was to become an elementary school teacher, and I did not plan to quit my job to stay home and take care of babies. This was not the main reason why our relationship failed, but it was definitely a spoke in the wheel.
I’m sure you can imagine where this is going…
Fast forward almost 10 years to approximately 11:35 this morning when I walked to our mailbox with my letter of resignation. After lots and lots and lots of consideration, I reached the conclusion that resigning from my teaching job is what is best for our family. And even better than that, is knowing that being at home with Tiny and Buba is honestly and truly where I want to be right now.
I know it’s not forever. I will get back into teaching within the next three to five years. And yes, it will take some work to keep up my certification and to go through the job hunting/interviewing process again. But I love my role as a stay at home mom, and I’m just not ready to give it up yet. I will continue to do some private tutoring and know that that will help to keep my head in the world of education so I won’t feel as if I’ve been completely out of the loop when I decide to reenter the field.
Just a few days ago, the thought of writing my resignation letter, made my stomach turn and brought tears to my eyes. Thanks so much to the readers who left supportive comments, as well as friends who helped me tease out my irrelevant issues through emails and phone conversations. It was a hard decision to make, but I know it is the right one.
13 Days
Just a few weeks after Tiny and Buba were born, when many other women in my new mothers groups were either quitting their jobs or heading back to work, I was granted a child rearing leave of absence from my full time classroom teaching position. As stated in our contract, this leave of absence could last up to two years, and once it ended, I would be reassigned to another full time teaching position for which I am qualified. Thus far, I know of no other profession in the United States where a woman has this option- to take 2 years of leave time to raise a child and then be able to return to her job at the same status and salary as when she left. And I feel so fortunate to have had this benefit.
But now it is time to make the big decision. By February 15th, I must tell the superintendent whether I will return to teaching in the fall of 2010 or weather I will resign.
Not much has changed since I last wrote on this topic. I still really want to be home with my kids, but every time I think about resigning I feel so, so sad. I know I can go back to teaching once Tiny and Buba are older, but I worry about how difficult it might be to find a teaching job in the coming years. I worked hard to build my status and reputation in my current district, and I know that most likely, when I decide to go back to work, I will have to take a pay cut to reenter the field.
My mother worked, and I went to daycare. I am not opposed to daycare. I had a great time in daycare and know that Tiny and Buba would too. But with my teaching salary barely being able to cover the costs of childcare, it just doesn’t seem worth it.
I told all of this to our union president, hoping she could help me with my decision. She listened and agreed with everything I had to say- all the pros and all the cons to returning- and then said, “It sounds like you still haven’t made up your mind for sure. Take a few more days to think, but remember to let HR know by February 15th.”
So, I now have 13 days. 13 days to write my letter of resignation. Because I know that resigning is ultimately what I really want to do and what will be best for our family. What I don’t know is why it is so hard for me to do this. I’ve been at home for almost two years, my day to day life will not change. But still it is hard for me to let go of the job that I loved in a school system where I was happy.
Our Year in Pictures 2009
When I was teaching 4th grade, my students and I read the Time for Kids magazine together every week. It was a great way to learn about current events while also learning about the style and structure of nonfiction writing. The first edition in January always had a Year in Pictures for the previous year’s events. After reviewing it as a class, each student would choose a significant personal event from their own life that year, and we would create our own Year in Pictures display.
It wasn’t until I saw Goddess’s post this morning that I realized that I could still create a Year in Pictures display using photos of Tiny and Buba from 2009. So here you have it, Our Year in Pictures 2009:
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
Happy 2010!
Working Mom Tryout
Before my twins were born, I was an elementary school teacher. Tiny and Buba were born in the spring of 2008, during my 8th year of teaching, and I have been home with them ever since. This was not the original plan; however, neither was having twins. Once my husband (T) and I discovered just how much daycare for two infants was going to cost us, it made the most sense for me to take a two-year child rearing leave of absence. With this being my second year of leave, it will soon be time for a final decision: Go back to teaching or resign.
I love being home with my kids. Some days are better than others, but overall, I just love that I get to be with them through almost every part of their day (the only exception being the time I spend tutoring in the afternoon when T is home with them). I get to observe them at play and see how today they can do things that they couldn’t do yesterday.
But on the other hand, some days (usually the no-so-good ones) I long for a little more adult interaction. You know, lunch with another grown up that includes conversations about things than child rearing. The kinds of conversations you have in a workplace lunchroom. We do occasionally get together with other moms and their kids, but trying to have an adult conversation while also supervising toddlers at play is no easy task.
So, as I said, I’ve been doing the stay-at-home-mom thing for 20 months. But this weekend, I had a chance to see how the other half lives. I had the opportunity to shadow a Lesley University professor (basically student teaching at the collegiate level), which required me to be “working” 8am to 4pm on Saturday and Sunday. Given that these are essentially the same hours that I’d be teaching if I return to work, it seemed like the perfect situation to give me a sense of what things might be like.
The morning was hectic and rushed. Trying to get Tiny and Buba up and ready for the day while also trying to get myself ready, was tricky (and this was without having to get them all packed up for daycare). Sure, T could have been more helpful, but if I go back to work, we’ll both be scrambling in the mornings anyway. Once I was out of the house, I enjoyed a peaceful ride to work. Although, I did have to eat my breakfast in the car, as there had been no time to do that at home, I managed to arrive without spilling anything on my clothes. And the day went pretty smoothly. I really enjoyed being in an academic setting again, working with pre-service teachers, and presenting lessons. I didn’t think much about what T and the kids were doing without me. In fact, I didn’t feel the least bit sad about what I might be missing until I walked through the door that evening. Tiny ran to me with a big smile and through her arms around my legs with a big, “Mommy! Mommy home!” It was then that I felt just a little sad that I had missed an entire day in my kids’ lives. And Sunday was much the same. Luckily, I knew it was just those two days, and on Monday, every thing would be just as it was.
So, where does that leave me? Still not sure. And this is why: I do really love being home with Buba and Tiny, and in my heart, I know I’d rather be home with them. If I go back to work, almost my entire salary will go towards daycare and our income will stay the same. Plus, we’ll have the added stress of trying to get us all ready and out the door in the mornings. I’d get to spend my day teaching young minds and talking with colleagues, but I’d miss all the things that my kids are doing. And my main reason for going back to work would be just to have a job. In this economy, it seems silly that anyone would consider giving up a job. And what if no one wants to hire me back in three years? I worked hard to earn my current teaching status and the respect of parents in the community. Do I really want to have to start all over? And how will I keep up my certification? How will I manage to stay current with the “hot topics” in education?
T says it’s okay (and I think he’d prefer it) if I want to resign. He thinks my dual certifications in elementary education and reading will make me very marketable, so getting rehired should not be a concern. But still…
I have until mid-February to make my decision. Please, weigh in.
Jumping In
I’ve been planning this new blog for at least three months, probably longer. I could list a bunch of reasons why it’s taken me so long to get it up and running, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear them. Let’s just say that this experience reminds me of my student teaching days when my mentor teacher told me I was in charge of teaching an interdisciplinary unit on forest animals. Where I was teaching, there were only standards and frameworks. No curriculum guides and no textbooks. So, I was basically creating this unit from scratch. Each day, for about a week, my mentor would ask when I thought I’d be ready to start teaching the unit, and each day, I’d tell him I was still working on the lesson plans. Finally he told me, Kid, sometimes you’ve just gotta jump into something and let it take you where it takes you. Have some faith and confidence in yourself that you’ll be able to make it all work out just fine. And he was right. Once I got the unit started, it actually made it easier to plan the remaining lessons. Our third graders loved it, and I received outstanding observation reports from my mentor and supervisor.
And so I finally realized, late last month, that it was time to follow my mentor’s superb advice once again. So here I go, jumping into the blogosphere with stories about my kids, my relationship with my husband, my work, and the things in life that make me stop and think hmmmm.
