reanbean

Snippets

I’m finally feeling back to my old self again. Finally. I’ve taken all the meds (7 days of eye drops, 10 days of antibiotics, and couch medicine and inhaler as needed), and the sore throat and cough are finally gone. Without the cough, I should be sleeping soundly through the night again, but alas, the night wakings continue (more on that later). I haven’t been to the gym in two weeks (since the sickness kicked in), but I’m planning to make my grand re-entrance tonight. I’d been back to going 4-5 nights a week since the end of March, and as of May 21st, I was up to 226.9 miles on my 500 miles in 2010 goal. I suppose I’ll need to ease back into my workouts, but hopefully in a week or so, I’ll be back on track again.

Today was week 5 of drop-off playgroup for Buba and Tiny. We didn’t have playgroup last Monday due to the holiday, but I did leave the kids at childcare when I went to book club on Friday. They both did fine there for almost 90 minutes, so I decided it was time to try leaving for a bit during playgroup today. We arrived about 5 minutes late, and both kids walked right in and started in with activities. I talked briefly with the teachers about my plans to leave and what to do to help soothe Buba should he be upset about my absence. My understanding is that he was fine until he got spooked by some loud noises in the music area, and that’s when Buba lost it. But still, I got to spend almost 30 minutes down in the waiting room by myself before needing to return to take my place at the mommy bench. And that seems like huge progress to me. Plus, Buba was totally fine with going to circle time and snack time this week. Yes, I still had to accompany him, but he didn’t cry as he had during previous weeks.

Buba is still wearing undies during the day. He is now telling me when he has to go, or will just go to the potty in our house and go all by himself. He has very few pee accidents and no poop accidents. However, he still will only poop in a diaper at nap and/or nighttime. I’ve tried enticing him with a reward and putting him on the potty right before nap and nighttime, but still no successes in that department. Maybe by the end of summer, I hope…

Tiny continues to wake at night on a fairly regular basis (maybe 4-5 nights a week). At first I thought is was bad dreams, then I thought it was out of need to use the potty. I am no longer convinced that it is either of these things. T and I have been taking turns going in to soothe them (because inevitably, Buba always wakes up too), and it usually just takes a minute or two, but the fragmented sleep definitely isn’t good for any of us. I’ve begun reading the months 22-36 section in the Weissbluth sleep book, and we may try to implement some of the strategies in there. This week I’ll just be collecting data so I know for sure exactly how often the night wakings are occurring.

I’m way, way behind on my blog reading again (especially on those with daily or multiple posts each week), but I hope to catch up soon. Many thanks to Mandy from My Life as Described by Twin Trials and Triumphs for passing on the Trendy Blog Award. We’ve recently bonded through our only-child-all-grown-up-and-now-raising-twins connection and have enjoyed swapping book and CD titles. If you haven’t already checked out her site, you definitely should!

Sidetracked

Not long after I wrote my post about having run 100 miles so far in 2009, I decided that I finally had enough confidence to join LauraC and Erin’s 500 mile challenge. However, I wrote that post on a Monday and they had already published the results for the previous week, so I decided I would wait and jump in the next time they put out the call for weekly stats.

I shouldn’t have waited.

By the next week, my whole attitude had changed. I’m not even sure how to describe what happened. I was just feeling very, very down. Feeling like all the exercise and trying to stick to healthy eating was not working- that I was not seeing the results I had hoped to see. Feeling stressed and overwhelmed by having to remove everything from the kids’ bedroom and pack up bags for our temporary displacement, while at the same time having to enter and tag all the items I’d like to sell at my twin club’s upcoming spring sale.* Feeling like I just wanted to lay in bed all day and just forget about all of my responsibilities for a while. It wasn’t good. It felt awful.

I knew I had to get a grip on things, and fast, or it was only going to get worse. So, I decided to skip a few nights of going to the gym. Instead, I stayed in and entered all the information into the computer program that would generate tags for my sale items (clothing, toys, books, etc.). I made lists of the things I would need to pack for our stay at Grammy and Papa’s house. I started to pack away clothing and toys that needed to be removed from Buba and Tiny’s room. It wasn’t fun, but it did make me feel a bit better to be able to check some things off my to-do list.

By the time I felt that I could once again get back into my nightly exercise routine, we were all moved in with Grammy and Papa (now a good 20 minutes from the gym instead of just around the corner). I felt motivated in the mornings, but completely exhausted by the kids’ bedtime. No energy at all after trying to keep the peace all day in a not so childproofed home.

So, now it’s been 2.5 weeks since I achieved my 100 miles, and I haven’t been to the gym in about 2 weeks. But just when I was starting to feel really bad about things, I read Maryann’s post (recommended by Merri Ann) How to Raise Kids Who Love Their Bodies (and Don’t Diet) and Sadia’s post Having a Baby Changes You. I started to rethink my priorities and my goals and came up with this:

Yes, I want to be healthy. I also want to be happy. Going to the gym 5 nights a week means that I have very little me time and does not make me happy, so I will try to find a better balance. I want to do my best to set a good example for my kids when it comes to eating and exercising, but if I want some ice cream, I can have a little ice cream.

Just a few more days and we’ll be back at home again. I already know that once we return I will push myself to get back to the gym again. I’m ready and even looking forward to it. But if I go 5 nights one week and only 3 the next, I think I’ll be okay with that. And as for my 500 miles goal- well, I’m going to keep working at it. I might not fully achieve the 500 miles by the end of 2010, but if it means that I was able to spend quiet time with my husband, or got lost in some good books, or even just vegged out in front of the TV a time or two I think I won’t view myself as a complete failure.

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*When we signed on with our contractor in January, we did not know exactly when they would start construction on the kids’ room. It depended on when materials came in and when a project manager became available. So, I had no idea that it would coincide with the spring sale and cause me to almost lose my sanity.

Healthier Me: 100 Miles

After having a really great January, as far as exercising and healthy eating go, February was a pretty big bust. I’m not exactly sure where it all went wrong. It’s almost as though I put so much attention and effort into January, that I just didn’t have anything left for February. I made tons and tons of poor food choices, and skipped several nights of going to the gym just because I didn’t feel like going. And on several of the nights that I did manage to get myself to the gym, I just didn’t have the drive to really make myself work. So, February wasn’t my best month, and I’m hoping to turn things around in March.

However, there is one thing that I do feel is pretty remarkable considering my lack of effort in February. Last night, on the last day of February, I went over the 100 mile mark (101.5 to be exact) for the number of miles I’ve run in 2010.

Back at the start of 2010, LauraC and Erin, challenged each other to a road race to see who could be the first to run 500 miles in 2010. They invited people to join in the challenge and created a blog that lists all the participants’ stats (as well as posts about the participants, recipes, and workout tips). I thought a lot about joining the challenge, but I was just too scared to put myself out there. I was worried that I’d be blown away by participants who are serious runners, and that I’d end up looking foolish. However, I did decide to keep track of the miles that I put in on the treadmill and elliptical machine and made it a personal goal to reach 500 miles before the end of 2010.

Prior to January 1st, I was running roughly .5 miles before every strength training workout and about 2.5-3 miles on the days that I did only cardio workouts, which came to about 7 miles each week. I calculated that would need to run 10.4 miles every week in order to reach 500 miles by the end of the year. But I’ve actually been running an average of 12 miles per weeks (some weeks less, some weeks more), which has put me well on track to reaching my goal. In fact, if I continue to run the way I have been, I should hit 500 miles by late October or early November.

I know that there’s always a chance that I’ll have a bad week or a bad month, as far as the running goes. But I already know that having this goal of running 500 miles is motivating me to get myself to the gym when I’m tired, and really, really don’t want to go. While it’s true that I skipped several workouts in February, I know I would have skipped even more if it weren’t for this goal. Because I think about that 10.4 that I want to hit each week, and I know that if I don’t go one night, I’m just going to have to put in more miles the next night.

So thank you, thank you to LauraC and Erin for inspiring me to run. I know that you’ll both (along with many others) beat me to that 500 mile finish line, but as long as I finish sometime this year, I’ll be quite pleased with myself.

(Un)Healthier Me: February Vacation

From 2004-2007, T and I spent every February vacation with his parents in sunny St. Maarten. His parents have a timeshare there, and it was because of their incredible generosity that we were able to enjoy such a heavenly tropical vacation in the middle of winter. For one week each year, we sat on the beach, sipping tropical drinks and enjoying the sun, sand, and water. We fell asleep to the sound of the ocean and woke to the warm breeze blowing through the balcony screen door. They were truly the most relaxing vacations ever.

But as you can see, that trend stopped the year I gave birth to Tiny and Buba. T’s parents continue to go and enjoy their timeshare (who could blame them?), while we stay home with our kids. It’s not that we haven’t been invited back. We have. But each year we’ve declined, feeling that we’d rather wait until it won’t feel like so much work to take a vacation.

But last week (which was this year’s February vacation week), we sure did eat as though we were on vacation. I can probably count on one hand the number of times we cooked a meal for ourselves. Instead we dined on take-out and left-overs. And my healthier me goals flew out the window. I did not make it to the gym 5 times, and I won’t even disgust you by listing all the non-healthy food choices I made.

While it seemed like fun at the time, I’m not realizing that I’ve got to find a way to get back on that healthy living horse again. Slapped in the face with the reality of gaining weight as a result of not eating right, I need to stop this downward spiral quickly before it gets completely out of control.

I tried getting right back to it on Monday, but there were still too many temptations around. And I felt sooooo hungry. I’m pretty good at sticking to healthy meals, but it’s the snacks that get me. I can only eat so many apples and yogurts.

So please, help me jump-start my healthier me plan by telling me some of your favorite healthy snacks. Perhaps if I can get the food part back under control, I can get back on the other tracks too.

A Healthier Me: Goal Assessment

It’s been about three and a half weeks since I started my Healthier Me campaign, and I’m pleased to report that I’ve already made some progress. While I’ve not been particularly great about eating more vegetables, and I’m still working to find new healthy recipes for meals, I have made some good progress at the gym.

Since the week of January 3rd, I have made it to the gym five nights a week for three strength training and two cardio workouts each week. Plus, I revisited some old strength training workouts that I had done last spring only to find that they are now too easy! So, I’ve been able to up the weights and increase the repetitions to add new challenges to my old routines.

But the thing that I’m most proud of is my 10-minute mile. Now, I know to those who are avid runners, this is probably not the greatest time. But I am not an avid runner. In fact, prior to April of 2009, I hated running and would never even think about going on a treadmill at the gym. A trainer at the gym encouraged me to give the treadmill a try- first just walking as a warm up before a strength training workout, and then as a cardio workout with run/walk intervals. While I still can’t say that I love to run, I definitely have found more pleasure in my treadmill workouts than I’d ever expected. And lately, I’ve felt so inspired by others (here, here, here, here, and here) who’ve set and or accomplished running goals, that I felt the need to set my own running goal.

So, back at the beginning of January, I decided that I would pay attention and note about how long it took me to run a mile. At that time, it was somewhere around 12-13 minutes. Not terrible for me, but at that point, I made it my goal to get my time down to around 10 minutes. Each workout, I gradually increased the speed I was running, and within about two and a half weeks, I was running a 10 minute mile.

And just last night, I completed my first 5K on the treadmill. I ran the first two miles in 20 minutes, but then ran out of steam and ran/walk the last 1.1 miles. Still, I finished in 34 minutes and 30 seconds, which sounded good to me.

I know I still need to work on the food parts of my healthier me goals, but at this point, I’m really feeling proud of all that I’ve accomplished at the gym. I have more energy, I feel happier, and I even look forward to getting my butt to the gym (whereas before, I was always dragging my heels). And it feels good to celebrate these little successes.

A Healthier Me

I cannot remember the last time that I did not have a weight loss goal (pregnancy months excluded, of course). Ever since I was about 12 years old, I’ve been very aware of the parts of me that I wished I could make smaller. I’ve joined gyms, exercised regularly, tried various diets and eating schedules, but have never really looked at myself and felt satisfied with what I see. And here’s the real kicker: I’ve technically never been overweight.

I was really hard on myself when I began my quest to lose the baby weight I was still carrying a year after Tiny and Buba were born. I joined a gym in late April 2009, and set the ridiculously unrealistic goal of shedding the remaining 36 pounds by the time we left for vacation in early July (more about that here). As I said, I’ve always had a weight loss goal, but I’ve never had 36 pounds to lose. And I was not at all prepared for how slow the process would be, and how completely determined I would need to be. But determined I was. I did my very best to eat healthy foods and got myself to the gym 5 nights a week for 60-90 minute cardio and strength training workouts. And by the end of this past November, I had just 5 more pounds to go.

But December was a tough month. I wasn’t sticking to healthy foods as much as I should have and, for the first time since April, I started skipping my nightly workouts. With the holidays and the vacation week in between, we were eating special meals and ordering out more. And I noticed that even when I made it to the gym, I just didn’t seem to have the energy to really push myself to the level I need to. I was, more or less, just going through the motions. I haven’t weighed myself in quite a while, but I’m guessing I now have more than 5 pounds to go.

But sometime in this last week, I began to understand and accept something huge. Although I still look at myself and see those parts that I wish I could make smaller, I am not overweight. I am healthy. My doctor has said so, the trainer at the gym has said so, and the medical evaluator for our life insurance policy said so (I even got the premium rate based on what I weighed back in August). And healthy is good.

That doesn’t mean I’m off the diet (ahm, lifestyle change) and giving up my gym membership. Oh no, I’m determined keep both of those things going. But instead of setting a weight loss goal this new year, I’m setting healthier me goals instead, which include: 1) eating more vegetables and less of the bad-for-me carbs. 2) seeking new recipes so I can prepare healthier meals for my family. 3) setting monthly fitness goals (i.e. run faster/farther or lift more weight or for more repetitions). and 4) getting to the gym 4 to 5 times a week. I guess I’m just hoping that a healthier me will lead to a happier me, regardless of that number on the scale or the number on my jeans.