Say Sorry to Me

We’ve been using parts of 1-2-3 Magic for three to four months now. I can’t say that we follow this disciplinary approach exactly as it’s stated, but I do my best to follow the plan for “stop behaviors”. Two of the things that T and I were initially not fully committed to were the “don’t talk about the behavior” aspect and the “don’t force an apology” aspect. Prior to reading 1-2-3 Magic, we would always end time outs by having Tiny or Buba verbalize what they did wrong and then have them apologize for their misbehavior. However the book says, if you’ve already told the child “we don’t hit” once, there is no need to say it again and again after every time out for hitting. Unless the child doesn’t seem to understand why he/she was sent to time out, the time out is just over, without discussion, when the time is up. The book also says not to tell the child to apologize, and that this can lead to insincere apologies over time. Like I said, we were not initially on board with these two components, but within a week or so, we’d decided to give it a try. And I actually discovered that I liked these two aspects after all. Because it is easier and more fun to just move on without having to rehash the incident and then wait, wait, wait for the child to apologize in a tone of voice that sounds sincere enough to accept it.

But Tiny and Buba have not forgotten the old ways. Tonight, after Buba was put in timeout for hitting Tiny on the head (Automatic 3, take 5.), the following conversation took place between just the two of them…

Tiny: Say sorry to me.

Buba (in very sincere manner): Sorry.

Tiny: Sorry for what?

Buba: Sorry for pushing. (He had tried to push Tiny off my lap before he hit her on the head.)

Tiny: And what else?

Buba: And for like this (showing a push in the air while saying “like this”).

Tiny: And for hitting me too.

Buba: Sorry for hitting too.

Tiny: Okay. Remember, you need to make good choices and not make naughty ones.

Buba: Okay.

Perhaps this was just another situation in which Tiny was trying to be in charge like a grown up (one of her new favorite roles to play), but I was impressed by how calm they both remained and with how sincere Buba seemed to be in his apology to her.