celebrations Family Time mostly photos Tiny & Buba: Halloween jack-o'-lanterns pumpkin carving
by reanbean
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Pumpkin Project
Today, we finally got around to carving our pumpkins. And by we, I mean me (of course!). I guess I’d forgotten what I big project carving pumpkins can be. All the scooping and scraping and drawing and carving. It probably took me close to an hour and a half to carve two rather smallish pumpkins.
I tried to involve the kids as much as I could, and was pleasantly surprised by how interested and willing to participate they were. I took tips from Quadmama (here) and Sadia (here) and worked with both Tiny and Buba to draw up a plan for their pumpkins. They both had a choice of shapes for the eyes and nose (circle, triangle, square, rhombus, star) and each got to determine the number of teeth in their jack-o’-lantern’s smile.
Scooping out the pumpkin guts was actually pretty challenging. I should have cut the top holes larger, but once they were done, it didn’t seem there was any way I could fix that problem. Fortunately, both Buba and Tiny were happy to turn that job over to me and had a lot of fun playing with the seeds and goop while I labored away. The carving wasn’t too difficult, though I did have some trouble with the star nose on Buba’s pumpkin. Still, I think they turned out very nicely. Tiny and Buba were both quite pleased with their glowing jack-o’-lanterns, and for me, that’s all that really matters.
Buba’s pumpkin (left), Tiny’s pumpkin (right)
Family Time field trips mostly photos Tiny & Buba: apples fall Parlee Farms pumpkins
by reanbean
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Apples and Pumpkins
Three weeks ago, we took Buba and Tiny back to Parlee Farms to pick apples and pumpkins.
I love fall in New England!
Conversation Over Pancakes
This morning T made blueberry pancakes for breakfast. While we enjoyed the delicious pancakes, T wondered about the making of chocolate chip pancakes. At what point does one put in the chocolate chips so that they’re not too melted, but not too hard? I commented that my mom used to make me chocolate chip pancakes when I was little and also made Mickey Mouse shaped pancakes, which I loved. And then the following conversation took place…
Tiny: Who make you Mickey Mouse pancake?
r (me): My mommy did. Your mommy’s mommy.
Tiny: Where is she?
r: She’s far away.
Tiny: Can we see her?
r: No. You will never see her.
Tiny: Why?
r: (silent pause. glance at T.) We’ll talk about it another time.
I could feel myself about to fall apart. If the cat hadn’t raced through the kitchen, scared by the electrician who was fixing our front entryway light, making us all laugh, I might have had to spend the next few minutes in the bathroom with the water running.
My mother died eight years ago. One year before I met T. My mother suffered from depression for most of her adult life. I had never known until the summer of 2000 when she was let go from a job she loved, due to a merger and restructuring, and completely fell apart. Soon afterward, she attempted to take her own life, but was fortunately unsuccessful. The months that followed were full of ups and downs, but mostly downs. And two years later, she made another attempt. That time I lost her forever.
I know I will share the details of my mother’s life and death with Tiny and Buba eventually, but I was not at all prepared to do it today. Thinking back on the conversation, I am surprised that I answered “far away” when Tiny asked where she is. I know that Tiny and Buba do not know the concept of death yet, so maybe that was me trying to get around having to explain that today too.
The thing is, as bad as the last two years were, I have so many very happy memories of my mother and I together. I want to be able to share those memories with my kids, for them to hear how much we loved each other, but I was caught off guard by the sadness I felt sharing about the pancakes, even before my conversation with Tiny began. Because sometimes the realization that my kids will never know my mother hits way too hard at times when I don’t even see it coming.
Only the Good Stuff
It is easy for me, when I’m dealing with toddler shenanigans the way I was last week, to forget how wonderful my kids really are. So, I’ve decided to dedicate this post to pointing out only the good stuff.
• Tiny and Buba are awesome in public. I never worry about going out with my kids because they are always so well behaved. They’re good about listening and following directions at playgroup, gymnastics, and storytime, and rarely fuss or throw a fit when it’s time to leave a fun activity. Just this week, after a playdate at the playground, I needed to run into the grocery store for just a few items. The kids wanted to walk, but I couldn’t hold both hands and carry the grocery basket. So, I held Buba’s hand, and he held Tiny’s hand. They kept a good pace, didn’t touch anything (as I had instructed), and sat nicely on the bench near the self checkout while I rang-up the items, paid for them, and put them in our shopping bag.
• My kids are great at comforting one another. When Buba wakes up cranky from his nap (which happens quite frequently), Tiny is quick to get him his stuffed koala or baby doll and tries to comfort him. And recently, when Tiny fell while running through the house, Buba sat down next to her and rubbed her back while I tried to soothe her and make sure she wasn’t injured.
• Both Tiny and Buba have been relatively easy to potty train. Tiny practically trained herself in a day at 22 months old, and hasn’t had an accident in months. She still wears a diaper at night, but occasionally wakes up dry. Buba’s potty training has taken longer, but in the grand scheme of things, hasn’t been too bad. He is fully pee trained during waking hours, and is just starting to feel comfortable pooping on the potty (instead of in his nap or nighttime diaper). He also has not had any major accidents within the last few months. Oh, and they’re both using the big potty now about 90% of the time. Awesome.
• I’m sure any mom will say this, but my children have the sweetest little singing voices and the cutest little laughs. I never get tired of hearing Buba and Tiny sing, and I am so amazed by the number of songs they can sing entirely by themselves. They love to make up songs by putting new words to familiar tunes and giggle themselves silly when they sing nonsense songs to each other.
• Both Buba and Tiny love books. They’ve recently begun to enjoy stories that are a little longer than the typical board book, and will often bring books to T or me and request that we read to them. They both can read a handful or so of their favorite books by themselves (from memory, of course). And my heart just melts when I see them sitting side by side reading books to each other.
I know I’m so fortunate to have happy, healthy kids. They definitely drive me crazy some days, but I still wouldn’t have it any other way.
Game Over
Dealing with Tiny and Buba’s jack-in-the-box behavior at nap and bedtime for the last week or so was very frustrating and exhausting. Unlike other troubles we’ve had, this one seemed to consume me and turn me into the world’s saddest and grumpiest mommy. I was waking up unhappy and disappointed that the kids had climbed out of their cribs, and sometimes over their gated doorway, at a time of morning that we still considered time for sleeping. And even as the day continued, I couldn’t snap out of the yucky mood I was in. Maybe I was just too tired from waking up repeatedly at night to every little sound, listening hard and trying to determine if someone was out of bed and getting into something. Or maybe it was knowing that nap time wasn’t that far off and would be even worse.
T and I had discussed several options to putting an end Buba and Tiny’s game playing. But in the end, it really came down to just two: 1) empty the room as much as possible, secure the dresser and closet doors, and let what happens happen; 2) attach crib tents to the cribs. I was really, really, really against the crib tent option, although T mentioned several times that it was the easier solution of the two. I guess I just didn’t want to have to cage my children or feel judged by others who expressed that they would never go down that road with their child(ren). But the more the game playing went on, the more I realized that option two was the better solution for our family.
Our house is pretty small for a family of four. It was built as a summer cottage back in the 1930′s, and only has two closets in the entire house. Finding places to put all the things in Tiny and Buba’s room was not going to be easy. And even if we did find places to put all the books and toys (and small couch that got moved out of the living room so we could put in a climber), I was not convinced that having nothing to do would keep them in bed and get them the rest they need (they are SO not ready to stop napping). And then there was the issue of the shades. Back in March when we’d had some work done in their room, T and I decided to splurge and put in some fairly expensive cordless blackout shades (which completely paid for themselves when the kids started taking longer and better naps AND started sleeping later in the mornings). One has already been slightly damaged by little hands since the game playing began, and I was too nervous that the others would be too if the kids continued getting out of their cribs and we were no longer intervening.
So we went with option two- crib tents. A very generous mother of twins gave me a set that her kids had used for a while (yes, for free! thank you! thank you! thank you!), and we set them up on Tiny and Buba’s cribs this past Thursday night. Thankfully, both Tiny and Buba were ecstatic about the idea of sleeping in a tent. If they had fussed or cried, I know I would have cried too. They’ve been sleeping like champs ever since, and I’ve been feeling much more relaxed and happy again.
A big thanks to the readers who commented as I wrote about the latest of our sleep troubles. I really, really appreciate all the kind words and support and, most of all, lack of judgement. You guys are the best!
A Glimmer of Hope
This past week (since my last post) has been really tough. Tiny and Buba have continued to climb out of their cribs, and after the craziness of the first night, I agreed with T that we should put them back into their cribs whenever they climbed out. Unfortunately, the problem only got increasingly worse over the next five days. One or the other or both are now climbing out of their cribs at nap time, nighttime, and in the morning before their Good Nite Lite turns to a sun. I’m on guard at nap time, and T is on guard at night. In general, nap time has been much worse than nighttime. The kids spend about 45-60 minutes playing their game before they finally settle down for a nap. At night it ranges from 15-30 minutes.
We determined very early on that this jack-in-the-box behavior is just a really funny game to them. Once Tiny and Buba are out of their cribs, they mostly just get together and laugh their heads off while they roll around on the floor. It’s not about escaping the room, and it’s not about finding out what T and I are up to. It’s just a way for them to have more fun and resist sleep.
T and I have been going in with the silent return approach. If you’ve ever seen Supernanny, you’ve probably seen this approach in action. The parent goes in and, without talking, puts the child gently back in bed. This gives the child no reinforcement- positive or negative- and should end all jack-in-the-box shenanigans within 3-5 days. The problem with this approach for twins who share a room (just my opinion, of course) is that they’re getting continuous reinforcement from each other. Even if T and I aren’t speaking to them, they’re still talking and encouraging the other to “climb out yo crib!”, and they both laugh their heads off whenever T or I enter the room to put one or both back in the cribs. This makes it really, really hard to extinguish the undesirable behavior.
We’ve tried offering numerous rewards for compliance with the Stay In Bed rule (playdate at a friend’s house, new toys picked up at yard sales, special dessert treats), and have doled out some pretty negative consequences as well (canceling activities, no access to special toys for good sleepers, withholding special dessert treats) and pretty much nothing worked. T and I agree that the rewards are not working because they don’t seem capable of putting off the instant satisfaction and fun for something they’ll get hours later after they’ve slept. And the consequences don’t work because they’re so disconnected from the behavior and also take place hours after the infraction and hours before the next sleep period.
All of this has left me feeling both physically and emotionally exhausted. While the kids do not resist T’s efforts at all, I could not be more abused. I’ve been hit, scratched, bit, and had my hair pulled. After T and I talked through a number of suggestions/possible solutions offered by friends and family members, I finally broke down and we ordered two crib tents. We had talked about this option months ago when Buba had first started climbing out of his crib and into Tiny’s. But neither T nor I really wanted to go this route and decided it would only be used as and absolute last resort. Sunday night was it. I placed the order, but didn’t put a rush on them, as I was hoping a few more days might make a difference. Perhaps…
Then today it occurred to me that maybe I could create a more immediate consequence by letting Tiny and Buba take a stuffed animal into their cribs (I know, we’re probably a little late on this one, but so far, it didn’t seem necessary and they’d never asked to have a toy in bed). I let them each choose one before nap time and said they could only keep their animal if they stayed in bed. Buba lasted about 10 minutes before he jumped overboard and I had to take his koala away. And then he was repeatedly out of his crib. Tiny last 46 minutes! And I really think she never would have gotten out of her crib if Buba had settled down sooner and not made his naughty behavior look like so much fun. Given the partial success of this approach, we tried again at bedtime, and this time it worked beautifully. Both kids stayed in bed and now (fingers crossed) we should be able to have a big celebration in the morning, which I hope will reinforce the staying in bed.
I know nap time and bedtime are a relatively small part of each day, but this whole situation has just been so incredibly stressful for me. I really, really, really hope the stuffed animal trick works and we won’t have to go the crib tent route. But if we just happened to get lucky tonight, and tomorrow the chaos resumes, I know the crib tents are on their way to, hopefully, save my sanity.
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p.s. Still no word from the sitter who never showed.
Trashed
Yesterday was not my best day. The babysitter I spent hours searching for, who seemed so perfect for us, didn’t show up for her first job at our house. No phone call. No email. Nothing. I really, really hope that nothing seriously wrong happened to her, but then it would mean that she’s just extremely irresponsible. I’ve tried reaching her by phone as well as email, but at this point, I’ve gotten no responses. So, I’m pretty sure we’re done with her.
It was sad. Tiny and Buba were really looking forward to her coming (they’d met her once before), and I really needed someone to watch them so I could go and check out a pre-school nearby (which I didn’t love). Fortunately, a friend down the road offered to entertain them at her house so I could keep my appointment. The kids know her and are friends with her daughter, so they went readily. I so owe her- big time!
After picking the kids up, we went out for lunch (fun), but returned home to find that our power was out (not fun). It was a rainy day (the 3rd one in a row), so the house was quite dark. Good for putting the kids down for a nap, but not good for me to accomplish the things I’d wanted to do- like laundry and blog reading and catching up on Hulu (although my lap top had power, our wireless connection was out).
And then there was bedtime. Ugh! As I’ve mentioned before, Buba and Tiny were perfect little angel sleepers from roughly 9 months to 26 months. Then Tiny started having night wakings and Buba started climbing out of his crib and into hers (they were close enough together that he could easily get into hers without ever touching the ground). But we’d managed to get both of those things under control (yes, we did end up buying Buba the monkey soother and we’ve recently moved their cribs to opposite sides of the room), and bedtime was going relatively smoothly. But not last night.
We put Tiny and Buba in their cribs around 7:20pm. Around 7:40, I heard a thud. And then another thud. And then the sound of giggling coming towards our bedroom. Yep, that’s right. They were both out of their cribs (still in their sleep sacks!) walking around the house. T and I each picked up one and put them back into their cribs with a stern advisory that that is where they were to stay. I put up the gate in their doorway to let them know they’d not be wandering around the house anymore.
Within ten minutes, they were both out of their cribs again. They stood at the gate yelling, “Mommy! Where are you Mommy Mommy?” T wanted to go right back and put them in their cribs again, but I talked him out of it (crazy? perhaps.). I knew that was just what they wanted, and that we’d be doing it for hours. So I left them in their room. I figured they’d panic when we didn’t come to put them back to bed, and they’d cry for a bit, and then I’d put them back in their cribs. And that’s exactly what happened. Although, not until an hour and a half later and after they’d completely trashed their bedroom- emptying their closet and strewing things all about the room. The mess was bad enough, but in addition, they’d gotten their hands on a full container of Vaseline and it was all over everything, including themselves. But that was the end of it. They stayed in their cribs for the rest of the night.
This morning I told them that we would be skipping our activities today. No storytime. No playdate. And I made them clean up (or help me clean up) the huge mess that they’d made. We spent the entire morning in our house, and I continued to mutter how unhappy I was as I did my best to remove Vaseline from various items and toys. They weren’t perfect angels, but considering the lack of any sort of activity, they were very well behaved.
At nap time, we reviewed the sleep rules that we’ve had in place for months: 1) stay in bed; 2) lie down; 3) go to sleep. I told them that only good sleepers would get to do fun things this afternoon, and they’d have to be good sleepers tonight if they want to go to gymnastics class tomorrow. I put them in their cribs at 1pm and within ten minutes, they were out (probably due to the loss of sleep last night).
I can only hope that things go much more smoothly tonight. It wasn’t fun to miss our activities, and I would hate to have to enforce that again. If everything goes as well tonight (and for nights to come) as it did at nap time, then the whole thing will have been worth it (the letting them trash their room, the screaming and crying, the missing activities). But if not, well then this whole situation just really, really stinks.