Seconds

It’s starting to happen. Those mommy friends of mine, whose first borns are roughly the same age as Buba and Tiny, are starting to have seconds. And so it was, at breakfast this morning, that I had the following conversation with Tiny…

Me: Guess what! Ona’s mommy has a new baby!

(No reaction whatsoever from Buba.)

Tiny: Ona’s mommy have new baby. (thinking… processing…)

Me: That’s right. A little, tiny baby.

Tiny: It go rock-a-bye baby. (Tiny says, doing the sign for baby.)

Me: Yes. Now Ona has a little sister.

Tiny pauses for a minute and then looks at me with eyebrows low and  a little crinkle in the middle of her forehead.

Tiny: Tiny, no have little sister. (She says shaking her head from side to side.)

Me: (I’m smiling, but my eyes are getting all teary.) That’s right. Tiny doesn’t have a little sister. But you have a brother, and that’s lots of fun. Right?

Tiny: (looking over at Buba) Dats lota fun.

I know that Tiny’s comment about not having a little sister was not so much a request or a longing on her part, but just her way of a making sense of things. (She processes like this all the time, but that’s for another post.) But I couldn’t help feeling a little sad, knowing that my baby days are over for good and Buba and Tiny will not have another sibling.

T started saying “one and done” the moment we found out we were having twins. But I held out hope for a long time that we would have just one more. Every time the topic was up for discussion, it wasn’t fun. We both held firm on our positions, and finally, just last spring, I gave in. Tiny and Buba were just over a year old and I was working on making our travel plans back to my hometown in Iowa. After almost having a heart attack over what the airfare was going to cost us (we bought the kids seats, at the recommendation of another MOT) I began to imagine how much more it would be if we had a third child (or, gasp!, another set of twins). Suddenly T’s argument regarding the costs of having a larger family began to make sense, and I told him that I could be perfectly happy with our family of four.

And I am perfectly happy. But I still think sometimes about what it would be like to have just one more.

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If you haven’t already done so, be sure to check out yesterday’s post to enter my Humpty Who? giveaway.

Humpty Dumpty Sat on a Wall (Giveaway)

I realize that nursery rhymes are not everyone’s cup of tea, but I actually don’t mind them. Which is good because Buba and Tiny are really into them right now. They know several dozen of them at this point (from books and CDs) and even have some favorites- Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Ba Ba Black Sheep, and The Grand Old Duke of York, just to name a few. Besides the fact that they’re short and simple, and therefore easy for Tiny and Buba to learn, we also like the fact that it’s easy for us to incorporate the bits of sign language we know while singing them.

A while back, I was thinking about introducing my kids to a few children’s television programs, but shortly after, I found that my kids were just as entertained by their CD of nursery rhymes. I can put the music on in the kitchen and they’ll sit on the floor acting out the rhymes or dancing with their baby dolls to the music. This activity easily buys me 20-30 minutes of time to prepare a meal, clean up the kitchen, or even just enjoy my own breakfast or lunch in peace (which means that we are still TV free). And the best part is, not only do they find these rhymes entertaining, but these nursery rhymes are actually helping them build early literacy skills.

We have several different nursery rhyme CDs, but the current favorite is Humpty Who? that come with a book (with the same title) by Jennifer Griffin. And we’d love to send you and your little one(s) a copy too!

To enter to win your own copy of the book and CD Humpty Who? all you have to do is one (or all) of the following:

1. Leave a comment on this post telling me your child’s (or your) favorite nursery rhyme.

2. Leave another comment on this post telling me what other children’s CDs your kids enjoy listening to. (Yes, I enjoy the nursery rhymes, but I’d like them to have exposure to other genres of music too!)

3. Mention my giveaway in your own blog post (be sure to provide a link to this giveaway post), and then post the link to your blog as another comment on this post.

All comments must be left on this post to be eligible to win a copy of Humpty Who?, and all entries must be posted by 9pm (Eastern Stanard Time) on Tuesday, May 4th. Thanks for entering and good luck!

I lika mo pees

We’ve been working on good manners with Tiny and Buba for a while. Buba will walk around the house saying “Dadoo! Babakum! Dadoo! Babakum!” (his versions of thank you and you’re welcome) and laugh his little head off as if these are the funniest words in the whole universe. Tiny will say excuse me to Grammy’s cat if he happens to be in her way, but will run right over Buba while recklessly driving her riding toy through the house.

The one area where I think we’re making some serious progress, though, is with requests at mealtimes. When Tiny and Buba were first learning to talk, it was enough just to say more. Over time, we encouraged them to say more plus what they wanted more of (i.e. more milk, more noodles, etc.). But now, they know they have to add the please if they want me to comply. And it just melts my heart when Tiny turns to me with her toothy grin and says, “I lika mo pees, Mama.” (That’s I’d like more please.)

My Next Move

Today is the 40th anniversary of Earth Day. In the last week, I have seen and heard more adds about Earth Day and “going green” than ever before, and they’ve gotten me thinking about what we already do to help take care of the Earth and what more we could be doing.

So far we…

* recycle cans, bottles, plastics, and print materials

* use energy saving lightbulbs

* use reusable shopping bags (not all the time, but as often as I can remember to bring them- maybe 70% of the time)

* wash our laundry in cold water

* buy gently used clothing and toys

* donate to Goodwill and offer up items to Freecycle

* recently replaced some old windows with energy saving windows

Of course, there are areas where we could definitely be doing better. I’d like to work on using fewer disposable paper products (predominantly napkins and paper towels), and although we’re down to about 3 disposable diapers a day, I’m hoping it won’t be too much longer before we can get that number even lower. But one thing I’ve been thinking about for a while now is online banking. I’ve always been a little nervous to start doing online bill paying, but I’m wondering if that would be another way to cut down on the amount of paper we consume. I’m sure it would cut down the number of checks we use, but would it cut down on paper statements and envelopes?

If you participate in online bill paying I’d love to hear your feedback. What do you like about it? What don’t you like? And if you’re still a check, envelope, and stamp gal (or guy), like myself, what keeps you from making the switch?

And, of course, additional tips about how to green up everyday living will absolutely be appreciated.

Happy Earth Day!

Potty Training: At the Beginning Again

Back in January, T and I decided to start potty training with Tiny. Initially, I wasn’t too structured in my approach, but after talking with another MOT friend, I decided to try the 3-Day Potty Training method. We didn’t exactly follow the plan to a T, but it worked amazingly well. It worked so well, that we decided to try the same approach with Buba the following weekend. But the exact same approach did not equal fast and easy potty training for Buba, and we actually decided (at the end of day 2) to throw in the towel and try again later.

It is now three months later. For three months, Buba has been watching Tiny use the potty. He talks about the potty. Tells us all about what it’s for. And recently has started asking for some “big girl panties”. So we decided to try the potty training again now that  T is home on spring vacation. I’ll admit right now that T was more gung-ho about it than I was. There was some hesitation in me, not as convinced about Buba’s readiness as I was when we started with Tiny.

We had planned to start the potty training on Saturday, but on Friday, I ended up being home with the kids for most of the day, so I figured why not just give it a go now. I took off Buba’s diaper, gave him a big sippy cup of water, and just waited for the teaching moments to begin. We certainly were not accident free, but Buba completely surprised me with how successful he was.

Day two started off with a big, wet accident, but after that, we were good. And day three went really well too. But now we’re on day four, and today hasn’t gone well at all. Only one success mid-morning and several changes of underwear. Grrrrrr.

I know that Buab is still very young (some might say too young), but I really don’t want to give it up just yet. As frustrating as today has been, I’m just so worried that it will be even harder down the road. T and I have talked about it, and together we decided that we’ve definitely been way more lax this time, and we probably have not been attentive enough today. We’ll go back to those strategies that worked in those initial days and see what a few more days of practice might bring. If Buba continues to do this well or better, I think I’ll be able to keep the training efforts going even after T’s spring break is over. But if it doesn’t work out, I know I’ll have no trouble admitting that this just isn’t his time. So, for now, it’s just a wait-and-see kind of thing.

Buba’s New Hairdo

Neither of my kids had much hair for the entire first year, but Buba’s seemed to come in even more slowly than Tiny’s. Both had fine, straight hair at first, but some where around 15 months, Tiny’s began to curl up and require more combing and detangling. So I didn’t mind that Buba’s hair stayed straight because it was so low-maintenance. If only it could have stayed that way…

Not only is it now curly, but it’s crazy, all over the place curly. And there’s really not much I can do about it. I’ve tried using some detangler and smoothing it down on his head, but unless he stays still while it’s drying, the curls pop back into place within minutes.

I’ve mentioned to T that I’d like to take him to get it cut, as it’s quite long around the ears, and perhaps that might neaten it up a bit. But T is against that idea. He likes Buba’s hair the way it is and says the shaggy look is back in.

I’m not sure who will win this debate, but until it’s settled, I think we may need to get Buba a cute little hat.

I’m Not A Slacker

I swear to you, I am not a slacker. If you knew me in high school or college, you would know that I am an extremely determined, hard-working person. However, if you knew me only through my book club (the mothers’ book club I joined back in November), you might think that I’m the world’s biggest sacker. Because I just can’t seem to finish any of the books. Sometimes I don’t even come close. This is not something I’m proud of. But after meeting a woman in the club who has 6 children under 8 years old (no twins) AND who managed to finish our last book when I only got about a third of the way through, I decided I needed to come up with a plan that would give me more time in each day for reading.

My plan was to dedicate at least 30 minutes of nap time and 30 minutes before going to bed as time for me to spend reading. But the major flaw in this plan was not factoring in fatigue. The moment I sit down to read, I feel completely exhausted and usually find myself nodding off within 15 minutes. So, I need a new plan. Perhaps a nap right after lunch and then a bit of reading time before the kids wake up? I suppose it’s worth a try.

It’s entirely possible that I’ll be that woman (the one who always comes to book club unprepared) for a few more months. But I’d rather show up unprepared than drop out and lose that one time a month where I get to have adult conversations with other local moms.

I think I can, I think I can….

Keeping Up with the Bloggers

I used to consider myself to be pretty good with technology. I’ve had my own computer since I was about 14 years old, and have never had much trouble using one. But last summer, when I decided that I wanted to start my own “mommy blog”, I realized that I don’t know as much as I thought I did.

My website is pretty basic and bare bones. I chose to purchase my own domain (as suggested by Jen at Absolutely Bananas), but had to read most of this book to figure out how to put my WordPress blog together. And even still, everything is pretty straightforward. I chose a template, filled in the pieces, and presto change-o, there was the beginning of reanbean.com.

But I read a lot of other blogs, and realize that there are other cool features out there. Some have buttons and widgets and places that show the followers. How did they do that? And how did they know how to do that?

To enter a couple of giveaways, I became an official follower of a couple of blogs I read regularly. But I still don’t get what it means to be an official follower. I know it means that I now “count” as a follower for that person’s blog, but does it benefit me in some way that I’ve yet to realize?

And what is a Google Reader? A few of my readers have told me that I’m on their Google Reader (or something like that) but I have absolutely no idea what that means. I can only hope it’s a good thing.

So tell me this- how did you learn to create your blog and incorporate the many features that can make a blog attractive and flashy? Did you hire a fancy-pants designer or are you just that talented?

Last Year’s Capris…

…are this year’s Bermuda shorts!

I definitely cannot take credit for this ingenious idea. I got it from one of Sarah’s posts over at How Do You Do It?

I bought Tiny three pairs of these capris last summer (blue, dark pink, and light pink) in size 9 months. But she barely wore them because they were so big in the waist. Now, they fit perfectly in the waist and are a great length for shorts on these early, warm-weather days. So, thanks for the tip, Sarah!

Guest Post: Abigail Pogrebin Answers My Readers’ Questions

A few weeks ago, I posted a review of Abigail Pogrebin’s book One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I’ve Learned About Everyone’s Struggle to Be Singular. In this post, Abigail Pogrebin answers the questions I invited readers to submit as entries to my first giveaway.

From Chantal: What about school? Stay together or be separated? My twins are boy girl and we are leaning towards together just to make things easier for us, one less teacher and one less different assignment.

I think it’s nice for twins to be together at first because it gives both a lot of confidence to have their partner nearby.  (I think it emboldened me and Robin and made us take more risks). But Robin and I were in separate classes starting in second grade and I think it was crucial to developing our sense of having separate selves and strengths…We were still in the same school (until ninth grade) but it gets complicated sharing friends and teachers, and this is one place you can help them discover who they really are apart from each other.  They’ll have plenty of time together when they get home each day.

From Rhonda: I have four year old monozygotic twins. Everyone has always told us to make sure they have their own belongings, but we really struggle with this. Not because we don’t want to get them their own things, but because they don’t acknowledge or accept that they don’t own everything together. We never color coded them or their belongings. I never wanted them to feel like a certain color was off limits to them. I thought it would be easier once they picked favorite colors which they did around age 3. We buy things in those colors, but often we hear, “want to switch” on a daily basis as they trade their items back and forth. I can only think of 1/2 a dozen items in our entire house that they claim as their own. In fact, it took us the better part of a year to make them understand that they couldn’t trade toothbrushes every other night and we still occasionally hear the sad, “I wish we could switch” at toothbrushing time. They are incredibly generous with each other and their playmates. I’d hate to quash that generosity in the name of teaching individuality. Any opinions?

I think this impulse to share is wonderful – it shows they’re wired for symbiosis and generosity, that they care more about each other than ownership.   At the same time, I do think it’s important that they get to see that not everything is theirs together, that at least you –their parents– see certain items (and even certain friends) – as belonging to one or the other twin, because ultimately they’re going to begin to forge a sense of being separate and solitary in the world, and that shouldn’t come as a sudden surprise but a gradual recognition of selfhood and distinction.   One sign of individuality is separate property: it was a major sign for me when I finally had my own room at 14.  It changed my sense of self.

From Anita: I have nearly 9 yr old fraternal boys. They are very different children, but *insist* on doing the same activities. Although it’s obviously easier on me driving to one location, I would really love for them to choose a different activity to encourage their individuality. I have suggested several options, but they continue wanting to do “basketball together” or “baseball together” etc. Any suggestions?

It’s a good question and it goes to the same conundrum I hear over and over again: the twins themselves want to stay together or the twins want to share everything they own and do – why should we forcibly or artificially insist on separate activities, friendships or pursuits when they prefer to be together? Because it’s good for them.  Because you can see farther ahead than they can, and you know they’ll ultimately be better for the individuality.  Because what feels artificial now will feel healthy later when you watch them go their own ways and firm up their own interests.  What my two-plus years of research showed me is this: parents do have to force a separation – not always but sometimes, even if it feels counterintuitive, even if it’s more work, even if it seems to go against the twin grain.  In the end, the parents are doing them a huge disservice by giving into their preference now to always be in tandem.   They need to discover what it’s like to be in the world separately. To develop their skills and talents separately. So yes, even though it’s more schlepping, if it’s at all possible to give your boys different sports classes or teams, that would be preferable.  If you can’t manage that, then make sure there are things they do on their own.   Believe me, you won’t regret that for a moment in their later years when you observe that they really know who they are and what they’re capable of –not always in comparison to their twin, not measured against their twin, not judged as a set or a pair but in their own right.

For more information about Abigail Pogrebin and/or her newest book One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I’ve Learned About Everyone’s Struggle to Be Singular, check out her website and blog. You can also email her directly to ask additional questions.