Sidetracked

Not long after I wrote my post about having run 100 miles so far in 2009, I decided that I finally had enough confidence to join LauraC and Erin’s 500 mile challenge. However, I wrote that post on a Monday and they had already published the results for the previous week, so I decided I would wait and jump in the next time they put out the call for weekly stats.

I shouldn’t have waited.

By the next week, my whole attitude had changed. I’m not even sure how to describe what happened. I was just feeling very, very down. Feeling like all the exercise and trying to stick to healthy eating was not working- that I was not seeing the results I had hoped to see. Feeling stressed and overwhelmed by having to remove everything from the kids’ bedroom and pack up bags for our temporary displacement, while at the same time having to enter and tag all the items I’d like to sell at my twin club’s upcoming spring sale.* Feeling like I just wanted to lay in bed all day and just forget about all of my responsibilities for a while. It wasn’t good. It felt awful.

I knew I had to get a grip on things, and fast, or it was only going to get worse. So, I decided to skip a few nights of going to the gym. Instead, I stayed in and entered all the information into the computer program that would generate tags for my sale items (clothing, toys, books, etc.). I made lists of the things I would need to pack for our stay at Grammy and Papa’s house. I started to pack away clothing and toys that needed to be removed from Buba and Tiny’s room. It wasn’t fun, but it did make me feel a bit better to be able to check some things off my to-do list.

By the time I felt that I could once again get back into my nightly exercise routine, we were all moved in with Grammy and Papa (now a good 20 minutes from the gym instead of just around the corner). I felt motivated in the mornings, but completely exhausted by the kids’ bedtime. No energy at all after trying to keep the peace all day in a not so childproofed home.

So, now it’s been 2.5 weeks since I achieved my 100 miles, and I haven’t been to the gym in about 2 weeks. But just when I was starting to feel really bad about things, I read Maryann’s post (recommended by Merri Ann) How to Raise Kids Who Love Their Bodies (and Don’t Diet) and Sadia’s post Having a Baby Changes You. I started to rethink my priorities and my goals and came up with this:

Yes, I want to be healthy. I also want to be happy. Going to the gym 5 nights a week means that I have very little me time and does not make me happy, so I will try to find a better balance. I want to do my best to set a good example for my kids when it comes to eating and exercising, but if I want some ice cream, I can have a little ice cream.

Just a few more days and we’ll be back at home again. I already know that once we return I will push myself to get back to the gym again. I’m ready and even looking forward to it. But if I go 5 nights one week and only 3 the next, I think I’ll be okay with that. And as for my 500 miles goal- well, I’m going to keep working at it. I might not fully achieve the 500 miles by the end of 2010, but if it means that I was able to spend quiet time with my husband, or got lost in some good books, or even just vegged out in front of the TV a time or two I think I won’t view myself as a complete failure.

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*When we signed on with our contractor in January, we did not know exactly when they would start construction on the kids’ room. It depended on when materials came in and when a project manager became available. So, I had no idea that it would coincide with the spring sale and cause me to almost lose my sanity.