Long Days
We’re finally back home again. I’m happy to be home, but feeling pretty tired. I didn’t sleep well while we were away, and it was exhausting trying to keep Buba and Tiny occupied and out of trouble. Now that we’re home, there’s lots of cleaning up to do. We’ve got all the basics done- cribs and other furniture back into the kids’ room, but there are still a few bins of things we packed away from their closet that I have yet to unpack (I’m trying to be better organized as I put things in there this time). And there’s tons and tons of clutter everywhere- piles all over, little and big, where I just stashed things to get them out of the way. So, still lots of work to be done…
But one thing seems strange to me: At the end of each day, I feel like I’ve been going for 48 hours straight, and yet, I still didn’t have enough time to complete all the tasks on my to-do lists. How’s that possible?
I’m way behind in my blog reading theses days. The Internet connection wasn’t great at Grammy and Papa’s house, and I’ve yet to find a good chunk of time to both read and comment on the blogs I like to keep up with. So, I’m probably a good two weeks behind. But I plan to catch up. Soon.
Sidetracked
Not long after I wrote my post about having run 100 miles so far in 2009, I decided that I finally had enough confidence to join LauraC and Erin’s 500 mile challenge. However, I wrote that post on a Monday and they had already published the results for the previous week, so I decided I would wait and jump in the next time they put out the call for weekly stats.
I shouldn’t have waited.
By the next week, my whole attitude had changed. I’m not even sure how to describe what happened. I was just feeling very, very down. Feeling like all the exercise and trying to stick to healthy eating was not working- that I was not seeing the results I had hoped to see. Feeling stressed and overwhelmed by having to remove everything from the kids’ bedroom and pack up bags for our temporary displacement, while at the same time having to enter and tag all the items I’d like to sell at my twin club’s upcoming spring sale.* Feeling like I just wanted to lay in bed all day and just forget about all of my responsibilities for a while. It wasn’t good. It felt awful.
I knew I had to get a grip on things, and fast, or it was only going to get worse. So, I decided to skip a few nights of going to the gym. Instead, I stayed in and entered all the information into the computer program that would generate tags for my sale items (clothing, toys, books, etc.). I made lists of the things I would need to pack for our stay at Grammy and Papa’s house. I started to pack away clothing and toys that needed to be removed from Buba and Tiny’s room. It wasn’t fun, but it did make me feel a bit better to be able to check some things off my to-do list.
By the time I felt that I could once again get back into my nightly exercise routine, we were all moved in with Grammy and Papa (now a good 20 minutes from the gym instead of just around the corner). I felt motivated in the mornings, but completely exhausted by the kids’ bedtime. No energy at all after trying to keep the peace all day in a not so childproofed home.
So, now it’s been 2.5 weeks since I achieved my 100 miles, and I haven’t been to the gym in about 2 weeks. But just when I was starting to feel really bad about things, I read Maryann’s post (recommended by Merri Ann) How to Raise Kids Who Love Their Bodies (and Don’t Diet) and Sadia’s post Having a Baby Changes You. I started to rethink my priorities and my goals and came up with this:
Yes, I want to be healthy. I also want to be happy. Going to the gym 5 nights a week means that I have very little me time and does not make me happy, so I will try to find a better balance. I want to do my best to set a good example for my kids when it comes to eating and exercising, but if I want some ice cream, I can have a little ice cream.
Just a few more days and we’ll be back at home again. I already know that once we return I will push myself to get back to the gym again. I’m ready and even looking forward to it. But if I go 5 nights one week and only 3 the next, I think I’ll be okay with that. And as for my 500 miles goal- well, I’m going to keep working at it. I might not fully achieve the 500 miles by the end of 2010, but if it means that I was able to spend quiet time with my husband, or got lost in some good books, or even just vegged out in front of the TV a time or two I think I won’t view myself as a complete failure. 
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*When we signed on with our contractor in January, we did not know exactly when they would start construction on the kids’ room. It depended on when materials came in and when a project manager became available. So, I had no idea that it would coincide with the spring sale and cause me to almost lose my sanity.
Our First Baby
When I was pregnant, someone forwarded an email to me that talked about the many ways life was different after having a baby. I know there were many things listed, but the one that really shocked me (and the only one I can remember at this point) went something like this: Before your child is born, your dog is your baby. Once your baby is born, your dog is just a dog.
I was on strict bed rest at the time, and our first baby, Pokey Kitty, had been by my side the entire time. I remember turning to her, and promising that she would never be just a cat.
I had loved Pokey instantly the moment I laid eyes on her.
Pokey was my constant companion and spent many a late night with me when I was writing papers throughout my graduate studies.
I loved Pokey with all my heart and couldn’t imagine how having babies would change our special relationship. But of course, it did. Once Tiny and Buba came home, there was very little time for me to spend stroking a little kitty on my lap. At first, Pokey spent a lot of time hiding. But she quickly realized that Tiny and Buba weren’t going anywhere and, unless she planned to hide forever, she’d need to start getting used to our new life with twins.
So, while I hate to admit it, my quiet times with Pokey have been few and far between in the last two years. But I still love her to pieces and that will never change.
A Change of Venue
Once we made the decision to stay in our current home for another 3-5 years, T and I started to look at the house and prioritize which home improvements were absolutely necessary and which once could be held off for a while (or even forever). We quickly came to the conclusion that the kids’ bedroom was the first place to start.
Our house was built in the mid-1930′s as a summer cottage. It was not intended to be lived in year round. Previous owners had done small updating projects here and there, but until we moved in, no one had added insulation. T and I added insulation to the outside wall of our bedroom before moving in, but that was pretty much it. The room that became the kids’ bedroom has two outside walls and is, unfortunately, the coldest room in the house. For the last two years, we’ve put up plastic and calking and turned up the heat, but we knew that that was just a stopgap.
Our dream plan has always been to tear the whole house down and put up a new house. And as a result, we’ve done our best to get by without putting much money into home improvements that would only be destroyed once we put our plan into action. But because we know we’re stuck here for a while (another whole story in and of itself), we decided that we really need to make improvements to the kids’ room to make it more comfortable for them.
So, this week the construction guys are working on the kids’ room (adding insulation to the walls and floor and putting in 4 new windows), and we’re hanging out at Grammy and Papa’s house not too far away. Although the kids are calling it our “bacation”, to me it’s just a change of venue. We’re still doing what we do everyday (even EI was willing to adjust to continue Buba’s services), we’re just doing it in a different location.
And while I had really hoped that it might be sort of like a vacation with extra hands to help out, there have been many times where it definitely feels like more work. The house is only minimally toddler-proofed, which is both annoying and somewhat stressful, and Tiny and Buba are definitely testing to see just how much they can get away with. But at the same time, it is so nice that Grammy makes us a delicious dinner every night AND cleans it all up afterward while T and I get Buba and Tiny ready for bed. I’ve had not trouble at all adjusting to that change.
I was most nervous about disruptions to sleep, but it hasn’t been a problem at all. Buba and Tiny still take a 2-3 hour mid-day nap, and although they’ve been getting to bed slightly later than they would at home, we don’t hear a peep from them until morning. All of this is making me hopeful that we might actually be able to take a real vacation in the not too distant future. T and I haven’t taken a vacation since before my pregnancy, but I really think we could use one. And I think Tiny and Buba would enjoy one too.
The Winner is…
#3 Chantal
(selected by True Random Number Generator at RANDOM.ORG)
Congratulations, Chantal! Your copy of One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I’ve Learned About Everyone’s Struggle to Be Singular will be sent to you shortly. And thanks so much to all of you who played along!
You can learn more about Abigail Pogrebin and follow her blog by going to her website.
Wardrobe Malfunctions
There is a reason why we call her Tiny. Just last week at her two-year well visit. Tiny weighed in at 20 pounds on the nose (Buba was not too far ahead at 23.2 pounds). And while our doctor is somewhat concerned about her daily intake of calories (even though Tiny has seen two nutritionists and both have confirmed that she just is who she is), T and I are just fine with what she is eating and how she is growing.
However, since Tiny was about 12 months old, clothing her has become somewhat difficult. When she was a baby, I could just throw on a cute little one piece outfit and it didn’t make a difference that the tag said 0-3 months even though she was right around 6 months. But once she turned one, I wanted to put her in two piece- shirt and pants- outfits that made her look more like a little girl and less like a baby. And that was tricky.
I’ve never had a big problem with tops. Tiny’s shirt sleeves are always a little long, but they can easily be rolled up. Pants however, are consistently problematic. If the waist fits comfortably, the length is often too short. And if the length is just right, the waist is way too big. Until recently, I was able to solve this problem by buying pants a size too big and then rolling the waist band over. This made the waist smaller and, at the same time, the length shorter.
But in the last couple of months, I became aware of another important variable in finding pants that would fit Tiny just right. The diaper. Yes, it seems that her diaper provided just enough bulk to make the waist-band-rollover trick work like a charm. And now that she wears her big girl underpants, her pants are falling down all the time.
I know that she can’t be the only small waisted child out there. And I’m hoping that I might be to find some line of clothing made especially for kids like Tiny. Until then, I’ll keep praying for warmer weather and start shopping for some nice cotton dresses for summer.
p.s. Don’t forget to enter my very first giveaway! All entries must be submitted by 9pm tomorrow (3/16) night.
Wondering About Me Time
I hear other mothers talk/blog about how important it is for us moms to have “me time”. And I’d just nod in agreement, not ever really stopping to think about what me time actually is. But lately, I’ve been wondering about the definition of me time and exactly how much me time a mom needs to have each day or week to stay sane.
So, is me time anytime you’re on your own, regardless of what you may be doing during that time? Or does it only count as me time if you’re doing something you really want to do- something fun, maybe even relaxing?
Because I know I have two chunks of time each day when I am not responsible for my children- nap time and nighttime. During nap time, I often start by cleaning up a bit around the house. Then I make myself lunch. Sometimes I’ll watch something on Hulu while I eat, but once I’m done eating Hulu goes off even if the program isn’t over. Then I spend some time preparing for my afternoon tutoring session, and if there’s time, I’ll write a blog post and/or read and comment on other blogs that I follow.
After the kids are in bed, 5 nights a week I’m off the the gym and don’t get home until about 9pm. Then I shower and get ready for bed. Sometimes I read blogs for a bit before watching a TV show on DVD with T (gotta love Netflix) and turning in for the night. Two nights a week are my nights off. But that just means that I don’t go to the gym on those nights. Those nights are filled with laundry, bill paying, and other housekeeping tasks. Not much of a night off, huh? Occasionally, I’ll make plans with a friend for one of those nights. It feels great to get out and be social, but then it seems like I’m playing catch-up the whole next week, trying to catch up on all the things I would have done if I’d been home instead. Ugh!
So, what counts as me time? TV and blogging sounds like me time, but laundry and bill paying? And what about working out at the gym? I’m not so sure. Just the other day, I finally found 5 minutes to sit down and clip my fingernails, and wondered if that was 5 minutes of me time. Was it? Perhaps I’m getting more me time than I think. What’s your definition of “me time” and how do you choose to spend it when you have it?
p.s. Don’t forget to enter my giveaway. You can’t win if you don’t play.
Review and Giveaway: One and the Same
Two weeks ago, I received an email from Abigail Pogrebin, an identical twin and author of the book One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I’ve Learned About Everyone’s Struggle to Be Singular. Her email encouraged me to check out her book (just published this past October) and asked that I consider mentioning the book to my readers. At first, I wasn’t sure I’d have the time to take on another book (knowing that I’ve still yet to finish a book on time for my monthly book club meetings). But after poking around a bit (here, here, and here), I became so intrigued that I knew I had to get my hands on a copy of her book.
One and the Same tells the story of Abigail’s life with identical twin sister Robin and how their twinship changed as they grew older. But it’s not just a story about the Pogrebin twins. Stories from many sets of identical twins and other experts (doctors, researchers, authors- some of them twins themselves) are woven in throughout each chapter, allowing the reader a most complete depiction of what twins experience throughout their lives. From these stories, I learned how amazingly safe and secure one can feel with a twin by his/her side, as well as how difficult it can be to constantly feel the need to match and represent the one who shares your same image. But what blew me away were the stories that shared such honest emotions regarding how it felt when the twins separated and began to individuate on their own.
While the story is focused on twinship between identicals, I couldn’t help but notice similarities between the personal stories shared and the interactions I observe daily between Tiny and Buba. I can see how Tiny and Buba cherish their special relationship, but also how they are beginning to individuate already. And while I’ve been able to see for a while that it is difficult for Tiny when Buba wants some time away from her, I can now begin to understand why it is difficult for her and what she might be feeling.
I have no idea how Abigail Pogrebin came across my little mommy blog, but I am so happy and thankful that she did. It was exactly the kind of resource I needed to begin to understand how my twins may see themselves, as well as what I can do as a parent to help them develop as individuals.
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Enter my first giveaway to win a copy of One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I’ve Learned About Everyone’s Struggle to Be Singular for yourself! There are four ways that you can earn an entry for this giveaway:
1. Leave a comment on this post.
2. Write a question for the author (who will actually answer questions in a guest post here next week) in the comment section of this post. Ask anything you’d like to know about being a twin or parenting twins.
3. Write a post on your blog, linking to this giveaway post. Then leave another comment on this post telling me that you did.
4. Tweet about this giveaway and/or post about this giveaway on Facebook. Then post your tweet and/or Facebook post in the comment section here (one additional comment/entry for each).
All comments must be left on this post to be eligible to win a copy of One and the Same. All entries must be posted by 9pm (Eastern Stanard Time) on Tuesday, March 16th. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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Full Disclosure: While I was contacted by Abigail Pogrebin and asked to share my opinions of her book with my readers, I was in no way compensated for this post. (I did not even get a free copy of the book).
Happy Birthday to You…
Although we’ve been celebrating since Wednesday, today is Tiny and Buba’s actual birthday. They’ve been having lots of fun playing with friends, visiting with family, and opening presents. We’ve been fortunate to have good weather (in the 50s) this weekend, and they were thrilled to try out their new bikes yesterday before going out for their birthday dinner.
Happy Birthday, Tiny! Happy Birthday, Buba! Love you!
The Twins
The following post is also posted over at How Do You Do It?, with only the endings being a bit different. I drafted this post for reanbean.com, but during the proofreading stage, decided it was a good fit for that community as well.
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Back when I was about six months pregnant, I happened to run into a former colleague at a district wide grade level meeting (which basically means that all the 1st grade teachers in the district were getting together to discuss curriculum). I hadn’t seen her in quite a while, but news of my twin pregnancy had reached her and she came over to congratulate me. “Oh good,” she said when I told her that we were expecting a boy and a girl. “People are much more likely to see them as individuals instead of a packaged deal. I just hate when my friend refers to her girls as the twins. They are two individual girls, and they should be treated as such.”
Her comment came as no surprise to me, as this very topic pops up quite often in the blogoshpere of parents of multiples. It’s not difficult to find a post where a parent writes about trying to distinguish their children for family and friends or passes on tips regarding how to find time for each child when time is something of which we never feel we have enough. And while parenting multiples has quite a few challenges, I imagine parenting identical children (I mean in appearance, of course) has a few more unique challenges on top.
But all this in mind, I have to confess that thus far (almost two years), I’ve done almost nothing to individualize my twins. It helps that I have one girl and one boy, and I rarely dress them alike, but I know that I can and should be doing more to help them develop their own sense of self. They are always together, and have only had a very small amount of one-on-one time with a parent.
And just recently, I’ve begun to wonder how they think of themselves and what they might be wanting. It is clear that they enjoy spending time together (for the most part), but Tiny can sometimes take it hard if Buba wants to go off on his own. She’ll go after him, take him by the hand, and bring him back to the activity that she wants him to play with her. When I find a bit of time in the day to sit down and play with the kids, often Buba will wander off to do his own thing (read books or play with a toy that Tiny hogs) seeming to know that Tiny will be occupied with me and therefore won’t demand companionship from him.
It’s hard for me to know what’s best for them sometimes. I want them to be close, as singleton siblings might be, but not so extremely close that they can’t do anything without each other. Will this work itself out over time? Will they learn to be individuals when they go to school? Will they independently develop different interests that will lead them to separate activities? Or will I need to take a more active role to help these things happen? I just want to do the right thing, but right now, I’m not exactly sure what that is.