13 Days

Just a few weeks after Tiny and Buba were born, when many other women in my new mothers groups were either quitting their jobs or heading back to work, I was granted a child rearing leave of absence from my full time classroom teaching position. As stated in our contract, this leave of absence could last up to two years, and once it ended, I would be reassigned to another full time teaching position for which I am qualified. Thus far, I know of no other profession in the United States where a woman has this option- to take 2 years of leave time to raise a child and then be able to return to her job at the same status and salary as when she left. And I feel so fortunate to have had this benefit.

But now it is time to make the big decision. By February 15th, I must tell the superintendent whether I will return to teaching in the fall of 2010 or weather I will resign.

Not much has changed since I last wrote on this topic. I still really want to be home with my kids, but every time I think about resigning I feel so, so sad. I know I can go back to teaching once Tiny and Buba are older, but I worry about how difficult it might be to find a teaching job in the coming years. I worked hard to build my status and reputation in my current district, and I know that most likely, when I decide to go back to work, I will have to take a pay cut to reenter the field.

My mother worked, and I went to daycare. I am not opposed to daycare. I had a great time in daycare and know that Tiny and Buba would too. But with my teaching salary barely being able to cover the costs of childcare, it just doesn’t seem worth it.

I told all of this to our union president, hoping she could help me with my decision. She listened and agreed with everything I had to say- all the pros and all the cons to returning- and then said, “It sounds like you still haven’t made up your mind for sure. Take a few more days to think, but remember to let HR know by February 15th.”

So, I now have 13 days. 13 days to write my letter of resignation. Because I know that resigning is ultimately what I really want to do and what will be best for our family. What I don’t know is why it is so hard for me to do this. I’ve been at home for almost two years, my day to day life will not change. But still it is hard for me to let go of the job that I loved in a school system where I was happy.