A Healthier Me

I cannot remember the last time that I did not have a weight loss goal (pregnancy months excluded, of course). Ever since I was about 12 years old, I’ve been very aware of the parts of me that I wished I could make smaller. I’ve joined gyms, exercised regularly, tried various diets and eating schedules, but have never really looked at myself and felt satisfied with what I see. And here’s the real kicker: I’ve technically never been overweight.

I was really hard on myself when I began my quest to lose the baby weight I was still carrying a year after Tiny and Buba were born. I joined a gym in late April 2009, and set the ridiculously unrealistic goal of shedding the remaining 36 pounds by the time we left for vacation in early July (more about that here). As I said, I’ve always had a weight loss goal, but I’ve never had 36 pounds to lose. And I was not at all prepared for how slow the process would be, and how completely determined I would need to be. But determined I was. I did my very best to eat healthy foods and got myself to the gym 5 nights a week for 60-90 minute cardio and strength training workouts. And by the end of this past November, I had just 5 more pounds to go.

But December was a tough month. I wasn’t sticking to healthy foods as much as I should have and, for the first time since April, I started skipping my nightly workouts. With the holidays and the vacation week in between, we were eating special meals and ordering out more. And I noticed that even when I made it to the gym, I just didn’t seem to have the energy to really push myself to the level I need to. I was, more or less, just going through the motions. I haven’t weighed myself in quite a while, but I’m guessing I now have more than 5 pounds to go.

But sometime in this last week, I began to understand and accept something huge. Although I still look at myself and see those parts that I wish I could make smaller, I am not overweight. I am healthy. My doctor has said so, the trainer at the gym has said so, and the medical evaluator for our life insurance policy said so (I even got the premium rate based on what I weighed back in August). And healthy is good.

That doesn’t mean I’m off the diet (ahm, lifestyle change) and giving up my gym membership. Oh no, I’m determined keep both of those things going. But instead of setting a weight loss goal this new year, I’m setting healthier me goals instead, which include: 1) eating more vegetables and less of the bad-for-me carbs. 2) seeking new recipes so I can prepare healthier meals for my family. 3) setting monthly fitness goals (i.e. run faster/farther or lift more weight or for more repetitions). and 4) getting to the gym 4 to 5 times a week. I guess I’m just hoping that a healthier me will lead to a happier me, regardless of that number on the scale or the number on my jeans.