Working Mom Tryout
Before my twins were born, I was an elementary school teacher. Tiny and Buba were born in the spring of 2008, during my 8th year of teaching, and I have been home with them ever since. This was not the original plan; however, neither was having twins. Once my husband (T) and I discovered just how much daycare for two infants was going to cost us, it made the most sense for me to take a two-year child rearing leave of absence. With this being my second year of leave, it will soon be time for a final decision: Go back to teaching or resign.
I love being home with my kids. Some days are better than others, but overall, I just love that I get to be with them through almost every part of their day (the only exception being the time I spend tutoring in the afternoon when T is home with them). I get to observe them at play and see how today they can do things that they couldn’t do yesterday.
But on the other hand, some days (usually the no-so-good ones) I long for a little more adult interaction. You know, lunch with another grown up that includes conversations about things than child rearing. The kinds of conversations you have in a workplace lunchroom. We do occasionally get together with other moms and their kids, but trying to have an adult conversation while also supervising toddlers at play is no easy task.
So, as I said, I’ve been doing the stay-at-home-mom thing for 20 months. But this weekend, I had a chance to see how the other half lives. I had the opportunity to shadow a Lesley University professor (basically student teaching at the collegiate level), which required me to be “working” 8am to 4pm on Saturday and Sunday. Given that these are essentially the same hours that I’d be teaching if I return to work, it seemed like the perfect situation to give me a sense of what things might be like.
The morning was hectic and rushed. Trying to get Tiny and Buba up and ready for the day while also trying to get myself ready, was tricky (and this was without having to get them all packed up for daycare). Sure, T could have been more helpful, but if I go back to work, we’ll both be scrambling in the mornings anyway. Once I was out of the house, I enjoyed a peaceful ride to work. Although, I did have to eat my breakfast in the car, as there had been no time to do that at home, I managed to arrive without spilling anything on my clothes. And the day went pretty smoothly. I really enjoyed being in an academic setting again, working with pre-service teachers, and presenting lessons. I didn’t think much about what T and the kids were doing without me. In fact, I didn’t feel the least bit sad about what I might be missing until I walked through the door that evening. Tiny ran to me with a big smile and through her arms around my legs with a big, “Mommy! Mommy home!” It was then that I felt just a little sad that I had missed an entire day in my kids’ lives. And Sunday was much the same. Luckily, I knew it was just those two days, and on Monday, every thing would be just as it was.
So, where does that leave me? Still not sure. And this is why: I do really love being home with Buba and Tiny, and in my heart, I know I’d rather be home with them. If I go back to work, almost my entire salary will go towards daycare and our income will stay the same. Plus, we’ll have the added stress of trying to get us all ready and out the door in the mornings. I’d get to spend my day teaching young minds and talking with colleagues, but I’d miss all the things that my kids are doing. And my main reason for going back to work would be just to have a job. In this economy, it seems silly that anyone would consider giving up a job. And what if no one wants to hire me back in three years? I worked hard to earn my current teaching status and the respect of parents in the community. Do I really want to have to start all over? And how will I keep up my certification? How will I manage to stay current with the “hot topics” in education?
T says it’s okay (and I think he’d prefer it) if I want to resign. He thinks my dual certifications in elementary education and reading will make me very marketable, so getting rehired should not be a concern. But still…
I have until mid-February to make my decision. Please, weigh in.
Welcome to the blogosphere!
It’s not an easy decision. There are reasons to go back to work aside from the paycheck. If the cognitive/emotional/social benefits are something you’re really craving, then maybe that’s the right thing to do. And aside from the occasional cold as a result of toddler/preschooler germs, the kids will NOT suffer. I’m confident they could and would thrive in a high-quality, structured daycare/preschool environment.
That said… I’m not putting out any resumes these days. While my higher-ed salary would barely cover childcare costs, my decision wasn’t really about the income. I figured that, as long as we are able to swing this arrangement, I want to be home. I’ve got lots of time to get back in the workforce, have a career, earn some money. My kids will only be 2.5 once, and it is flashing by fast enough while I’m here. I can’t imagine missing it.
That’s just me. I don’t ever say that as passing judgment on people who want or need to work. I think it can have immense value if it’s the right thing for you and your family.
I agree with the previous comment: you’re incredibly marketable and won’t have trouble re-entering teaching when you’re ready to do it. Whether that’s next year or three years down the road or more.
Unfortunately, this is a question that no one can answer for you. Do what feels right for your family, for each of the four of you.
Me? I’m a more patient, more creative, more capable mother when I get to exercise my brain in a different way at work. I don’t think our marriage would survive repeated wartime deployments if I didn’t see other adults who respect me as a person, and not just a mom, regularly.
The daycare routine allows us to be flexible on the weekend, and concentrate on fun, which I love. If I were to stay home 7 days a week, our days would be much more structured. Fortunately, my daughters are in a daycare program that aligns with our child-rearing philosophy, and that’s hard to find.
If I were built differently, though, I think my daughters could thrive with a stay-at-home mom too. Who knows? Maybe I’ll work now and decide to homeschool later!
Good luck with your decision. Talk to both working and stay-at-home parents to get both sides of the story … and try to talk to folks who are happy with their setup, and those who aren’t, too, to get a balanced view.
Well, I am biased. I have found work to do from home so that I can stay home with my kids. I won’t lie, financially it has been really hard. Just when I think we might be getting out from under, something else finds its way in. With that being said, I work 3 part time jobs, nearly all from my home to help make ends meet. Find a preschool you can work at. Most will give discounts for your kids, you could walk away with a little extra every month, you are in the same facility with them, and its only 2 or 3 days a week.
There are only 3 more years that YOU really have them. After that, they become subject to the school system you choose for them. Grab every opportunity you have to stay with them, teach them good morals and influence the rest of their lives.
I told you I was biased!!
You need to listen to your heart. God will provide you what you need.
[...] much has changed since I last wrote on this topic. I still really want to be home with my kids, but every time I think about resigning I feel so, so [...]
It sounds as if your heart has already decided that you’d like to stay at home. And I am 100% in agreement with T that you will remain very marketable… you worked hard for your qualifications and they won’t go away if you take another couple years to be home with your beautiful children! You are an exceptional mom and an exceptional teacher and you can still be both, but you don’t have to do them at the same time unless you want to and you are ready. Good luck deciding!